“The Inner Work Behind the Way I Show Up on Instagram”
Published by Miki Grace: 02/02/22
It took me TWO years to finish my website & 10 whole hours to finish ONE reel. And the moment I finished, I started overthinking.😅
"What if I put this out there and everyone thinks I'm a fraud?" "What if labeling myself as an Integrative Quality of Life Coach boxes me in? Will I no longer be considered for creative projects, business strategy, or design opportunities? Will this make it harder for me to pursue my other passions?" "What if none of this makes sense?" It was just TEW much. So I saved everything in the draft and tried to forget it existed.
A week later, in a coaching session, I committed to creating 12 pieces of content and publishing my website to help me progress towards my business goals, and I knew that there was this one reel that I made, and it was too good not to consider. So I went into my drafts to look for it, and ya'll, it was gone. 🤦🏾♀️ Part of me was salty asl because all my effort had seemingly gone to waste. Part of me was relieved because now that there was nothing post, I didn't have to put myself out there, and part of me wasn't even surprised it was gone. This wasn't the first time imposter syndrome, self-limiting beliefs, and indecision got me to close the window of opportunity and hop back on the struggle bus to "I don't know" land, conveniently located in "Maybe I need to take another class" county.
If you've ever been on this bus, then you, like me, know how this story ends when we stick to the regularly scheduled program. Choosing to follow suit looks like middle of the day, cover over head, stuck in bed with a cold case of avoidance coping. It feels like failure and depression influenced by uncontrollable and painfully intrusive thoughts. And though this choice doesn't necessarily make us feel good, it does make us feel safe. But, what if there is no real danger? 🤔
With the help of my coach and my fiance, I got the courage to push past my insecurities and find out if I was in real danger. And now that I'm on the other side, I can confidently say that the answer is no. I honestly feel stronger. I feel like I can do it again. I want to do it again. I want to show the world more of me. And, I care a little less about who sees and who has something to say.
Unfortunately, for those of us who struggle with perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and deep indecision, our default setting is to obsess about how our actions might hurt us or ruin whatever reputation we do have. We get so caught up in this cycle of thinking that we rob ourselves of the opportunity to see how putting ourselves out there might heal us instead.
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of stealing my own joy. Let's blaze trails with the knowing that, yes, there is a possibility that we might get burned along the way. But whatever happens, while we're on our path can't possibly compare to the anxiety and inner turmoil we'll experience if we continue to play it small.
~ Miki